I can’t explain why, but I needed to shut out the world.
Ever since I arrived in Seminyak, Bali I have had the overwhelming feeling pulling me toward seclusion. Once I arrived in the little town of Ubud I could not ignore it.
I spent my first 31 days living with 20 strangers turned friends in Kuta and each day I was finding myself starting to distance from others and spending more alone.
I couldn’t explain it and luckily I never had to when I hid from parties and social outings. A part of me felt guilty for doing this and the other part of me was confused. I AM the definition of social.
Back in Hawaii before this trip I was going out 3 times a week, at least! Hitting up Happy Hour with friends, organizing hiking trips, leading networking groups, attending charitable events, etc. My social calendar was PACKED and I was known as the person you wanted to know if you were new in town/bored/needed suggestions.
But in Bali? Bali, I bail.
All I could think of was; perhaps it’s due to the fact that once I get back to the states I will be moving in with my boyfriend- A commitment I haven’t made in over 8 years. Or perhaps it’s due to the fact that I have no social obligations for the first time in a LONG time. But truth be told, I had no logical explanation.
All I knew is I really wanted to get the FULL emotional experience and take this all in in a way I hadn’t done in a long time.
Not experience it through my phone, number of Social Media likes or with anyone else- just wholly 100% focus from a place that I felt I had lost long ago.
Maybe this is my last chance to get it back without any shortcuts? Just me, my reflections, my laptop, an unpredictable wifi connection and 30 days.
All I really can be sure of is, I have wanted this time alone for a long time. When your heart sends you a clear message, I’d be a fool not to listen.
I arrived Panesntanan, Ubud and it all fell into place as if something/someone else was directing my moves.
I walked into my one-room hut,opened up my laptop and as if fueled by a part of me I have never known and to my own surprise: I updated my Facebook status that I am going underground for the next month to reflect and write.
You? Write? But I don’t do that. Not to mention a break from Social Media? Yeah, OK. Hilarious. You last about 24 hrs.
Clearly my thoughts and my emotions had a serious disconnect. My emotions won.
I swiftly deleted my apps on my phone before my mind knew what happened.
My one room hut was a simple room filled with very little. A perfect square square filled with one queen size bed, a small flimsy polished dark brown desk/shelf that was most likely handmade and a stand alone closet with one very topical Bali painting hanging over the bed.
The ceiling is what really makes the room, a pitched ceiling with ridges all connecting in the center where a bare light bulb hangs. I will always remember that ceilings as I often stared up at it blankly.
Cozy retreat in the rice fields, indeed.
When I wrote this, I didn’t expect any miracles or life altering events over the next 30 days of seclusion.